and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
