I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
