ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
