i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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