You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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