onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
