ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
