Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
