I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
