I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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