This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
