fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize