We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
