When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up under a house in Key West
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