Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
