1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so that wasnt chicken after all
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
