Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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