They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
