Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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