So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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