I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
