i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
