can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
