I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
