turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
