I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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