Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
