i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
