Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
