R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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