matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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