you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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