I feel great
I just peed on a car
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm passing your future prison.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
