Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
