I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
