my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
