I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
