Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
