You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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