During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
