wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
