My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
