It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize