happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
