im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
