i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
