One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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