my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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