Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
