Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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