I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
