How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
