He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize