Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
