if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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