Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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