This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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