something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
