I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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