I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
