Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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