Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
