i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
