so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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