Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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