new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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