You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
